Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
