I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
