Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
