what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
