the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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