Do you still have your period?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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