he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
