i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
