So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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