I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
