Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
