Can i not drive my cunt home
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize