If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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