when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
