I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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