I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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