Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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