Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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