All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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