You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
