I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
