Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
