did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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