That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
