Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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