but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
