Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
