there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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