I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
