what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
