he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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