I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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