the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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