I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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