You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
