I wish I could teleport
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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