Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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