Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
