Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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