Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
its liver damage thursday
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