I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
