i permit you to call me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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