You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
