...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
