i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
