Your mouth is God's brothel.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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