you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
