I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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