splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
