I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
