i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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