I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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