I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
