foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
