What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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