12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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