Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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