Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
