You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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