I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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