i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
