need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
