Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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