i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
