i barfeds in our rink
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
